Epstein Didn’t Kill Himself Birthday Card

***HAPPY BIRTHDAY MUSIC AND LIGHT INCLUDED***

“Too Soon? Nah, Just Right.”

Welcome to the most awkwardly hilarious greeting card you’ll ever send—our Epstein Island Pop Card is the perfect blend of dark humor, satire, and pop culture infamy. Whether it’s for a birthday, “just because,” or to troll your most conspiracy-loving friend, this card walks the fine line between “Wait, should we laugh?” and “Okay, that’s actually funny.”

Why This Card?

✔ Dark Humor Done Right – For friends who appreciate edgy, satirical jokes.
✔ Meme-Worthy Design – Bold, colorful, and just vague enough to avoid FBI watchlists.
✔ Conversation Starter – Guaranteed to be the most talked-about card at the party.
✔ Premium Quality – Thick matte and a gloss finish cardstock with a witty interior message.

Perfect For:

• Friends who love true crime podcasts a little too much.

• The coworker who always says, “Do your own research!”

• Anyone who needs a laugh at the absurdity of modern life.

Warning: Not for the easily offended, your grandma, or HR-approved events.

Order Now Before It “Disappears!”