Shipping Policy

Shipping Policy

Processing Time:
We work faster than a caffeinated flamingo on roller skates! Orders ship in 1-3 business days (weekends are for memes, not mail).

Shipping Options & Speeds:

  • Snail Mail (AKA Standard):  3-7 business days. Still faster than getting the Epstein list.

  • Need It Yesterday? (Expedited):  2-3 business day delivery (warning: may cause mailbox excitement)

  • Global Conspiracy Delivery (International): 7-21 days – price depends on how badly your country’s postal service hates fun

Who Flies Your Package?
Our trusted carriers:

  • USPS (United Snail Postal Service)

  • UPS (Unusually Patient Shipping)

  • DHL (Delivers Hilarious Loot)

Tracking Your Order:
You’ll get a tracking number so you can obsessively check it 12 times a day like we do.

Oopsie-Daisies:

  • Lost in transit? Must’ve fallen into the same black hole as Epstein’s client list. Email us within 30 days so we can investigate.

  • Delays happen (blame weather, aliens, or the Illuminati)

Returns?
Unless your card arrives looking like it survived a zombie apocalypse, all sales are final. You can’t un-see our dark humor!

Need Help?
Email our support team at support@flamingowithsunglasses.com – we respond faster than you can say “controlled demolition.”